What is Acknowledgment and why is it soooo important to use it?

Do you know how to acknowledge someone? Do you know why it’s so important to learn this valuable skill?

In simple terms acknowledgement validates who you are. That’s really BIG so I invite you to sit with that thought for a moment….Validation implies that you are a valuable part of someone’s life, family and community.

I was recently talking to a good friend of mine and during our conversation the word acknowledgement came up. She told me she had no problem acknowledging her friends or family, but struggled with acknowledging her husband. We talked a little bit about it and I explained to her that one of the reasons this may be difficult is that with spouses we come to expect so much more from them; almost too much, so they often seem lacking in our eyes. Hence the holding back of acknowledgment. The irony of course is that the more you acknowledge your partner the more they WANT to do for you. So a lack of acknowledgement simply leads to more lack – period.

Past resentments can also lead to withholding acknowledgment, consciously or unconsciously. Resentments can keep you from having what you truly want; usually a reciprocal and loving relationship. Resentments can run deep and most people don’t have the skills to get to the heart of the issue and release it. But that’s another topic.

Spousal type relationships are complicated. They are the deepest form of relationship one can have on a non-familial level. Your spouse or partner sees you in every kind of conceivably vulnerable situation; or at least that is the hope in a loving and healthy relationship. What’s more, they become a very clever and clear mirror of every part of who you are and it’s not just the standard mirror it’s the magnified version…ughh! Yes, they reflect back to you all kinds of deeply rooted behaviors as well as the superficial idiosyncratic behavior. There is a presupposition in NLP (which stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming, a form of quick behavior change technology) which in essence says: the response you get is a direct result of the communication you express. That oughta make you stop and think. Communication is CRITICAL (again other topic) and acknowledgment is part of communication. So think of acknowledgment as positive reinforcement. When you see your spouse do or say something that you may often take for granted, acknowledge it.

One of my favorite movies, takes this concept a bit deeper. In Avatar the indigenous people have a phrase; they say: “I see you.” It is the deepest form of acknowledgement possible because it acknowledges your essence at your very core. It is a heart-to-heart connection. As humans, being acknowledged is a very basic human need because remember it validates your value.

Acknowledgement can take some skill. It’s not exactly a compliment, although it can sound and feel like one. Remember you are simply reflecting back a positive and valuable observation. It is a sign of recognition. Here are a few examples:

  1. I can see that you are are doing your best and I want you to know that I noticed this.
  2. I really see the effort you are making and I truly appreciate it.
  3. I get that this was a challenge for you and I recognize the hard work you put in.
  4. I hear that you are struggling and I want you to know that I can just listen if that would be helpful.

Try them out and let me know how it goes.

Acknowledgment, communication, Neuro Linguistic Programming, resentment, Validation

Comments (13)

  • Acknowledgement… So powerful! So glad you referenced that phrase from Avatar, it was such a beautiful expression in that movie. We ARe all connected… And nothing adds value like appreciation. It’s inexpensive, yet priceless!

  • Acknowledgement… So powerful! So glad you referenced that phrase from Avatar, it was such a beautiful expression in that movie. We ARe all connected… And nothing adds value like appreciation. It’s inexpensive, yet priceless!

  • What a fabulous reminder for us all! I especially enjoyed your examples at the end. I’ve found that acknowledgement also helps with giving and receiving constructive criticism. To compassionately acknowledge what’s right before acknowledging what’s wrong can help the receiver to listen rather than defend. An example of this could be: I sympathize with the stressful situation you’re having at work and I don’t want you to take it out on the kids and me. Thanks, Julie!

  • Beautiful post Julie! just want to acknowledge you for getting your message out and making a difference – I know what it takes to commit yourself to being the messenger that you are here to be and it’s a blessing that you have chosen to share with the world!

  • Beautiful post Julie! just want to acknowledge you for getting your message out and making a difference – I know what it takes to commit yourself to being the messenger that you are here to be and it’s a blessing that you have chosen to share with the world!

  • What a great reminder for us all! It’s so important to give credit and gratitude where it is due and needed. I’d love to use this article on my blog–www.InspiringYourVeryBest.com because it’s always great to share inspiring and uplifting articles. Thanks Julie!

  • What a great reminder for us all! It’s so important to give credit and gratitude where it is due and needed. I’d love to use this article on my blog–www.InspiringYourVeryBest.com because it’s always great to share inspiring and uplifting articles. Thanks Julie!

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