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Author: katandmouse

Where’s the Magic Bullet? Part 1

When I give readings and a theme appears I believe it’s important to share that insight with many people. Clients have been asking “why is this happening…again,” or “I’ve worked on this all my life and I’ve done everything, classes, therapy, coaching and I still have this problem. So why is this still happening? I’m sick of it and I’m ready for it to be done!” (Where’s that damn Magic Bullet!)?Mind Spin

I understand this sentiment very well. To begin with it’s important you understand why this is repeatedly happening. It’s happening because you signed up for this life lesson! Of course, nobody would consciously agree to come back and work on lack of self-confidence, scarcity thinking, anxiety, depression, guilt, anger, etc., but you did make that agreement between lifetimes.

At the end of your human lifetime you return to Source and convene with your council of support beings to co-create anew. You forget the feelings, emotions, burdens and challenges that come with being human. You have to forget those feelings or you’d never agree to come back. So you agree with your council that working on say, boundaries & empowerment (that’s my big life lesson) is a wonderful challenge to work on when you return to your next human life. And so you come back and begin your work. The kicker is you never know how and when you are going to learn your life lesson so it happens over and over in various forms and severity. Additionally, once you get this lesson Source has to make sure you really get it so it will occasionally reappear even after you get it (cuz you know you gotta make sure you got it!).

Knowing all this who wouldn’t want a magic bullet? There’s a lot of work to being human! The thing is you really do have a magic bullet. Everyone does. It’s YOU!

You are the only one who controls your reality. All kinds of things will happen to you in your lifetime and how you deal with them creates your reality. The “bad” things impact and shape your life far more than the “good” things because they impact you on a deeper and more memorable level. That’s just the way it is for humans. Here’s the thing though, if you didn’t feel and remember these things so deeply you probably wouldn’t work on them. Pain is a far more superior motivator of change than pleasure.

Now back to the magic bullet. All of this “stuff” (feelings, emotions, memories, beliefs, experiences, thoughts, uh beliefs, it’s all about beliefs) creates your reality. In order to change your reality you need to change your beliefs. I know you know that so you do all this work and still you wonder why that pesky challenge is still happening. It continues to happen because you come right to the edge of the pain and then back away because it’s too painful to stay there and work through it. That’s the catch and it’s pretty human.

Unfortunately, the magic bullet is staying with the pain. There is NO way around this. 12-step programs are very helpful with this process and I use my own proprietary 6-step process to do this work.

So it comes back to beliefs. Remember, beliefs are learned, no exceptions. You didn’t come into this world with them. So if you learned them, you can unlearn them and learn something new.

Listen, I get that beliefs can be complicated to change (I’m working on the belief that I need gum after I eat lunch or dinner instead of chocolate). There is usually a huge amount of emotion connected to beliefs.

The magic bullet is also about working very slowly and incrementally on the pain and it takes conscious work to change the habitual belief (as opposed to energetically “clearing” the belief). It takes commitment, mindfulness, awareness, compassion, patience and persistence.

Persistence is key so I’ll address that in part two of The Magic Bullet. In the meantime remember that you and your beliefs are the magic bullet to changing your reality and when you change your reality you can change the outcome to be what you truly want.

I Was Afraid My Daughter Was Dead!

Whether it is teaching people how to set expectations, boundaries and communicate them, or giving Akashic readings and teaching spiritual trainings, there is always a central theme that appears as we do this work. It’s the feeling of “fear”.

Portrait of a young woman biting her nail and looking frightenedWith all the strange changes in the world and in our country it is no wonder fear is a major theme, and if you let it, fear will run and ruin your life.

I consider myself truly fortunate because I grew up with a pretty fearless attitude toward life and all it has thrown at me. But this is not generally the case for most people. I know this. It’s not that I’m completely fearless, it means I’ve learned to see fear for what it is and put it in it’s place.

As a single parent, my daughter and I were very close as she was growing up. I worked thoughtfully to be a fairly “hands off” mom and allow her to make her own mistakes and learn from them. When my daughter went away to college, I didn’t go through the empty nest stage, mostly because it was the first time in my life that I’d ever lived alone. It was great!

However, I missed my daughter and we kept in touch regularly. Then one weekend I kept calling her and couldn’t get hold of her. My fear began to rise. Why wasn’t she answering? What had happened? What if she was laying dead in a ditch somewhere? I couldn’t possibly think about losing her. I’d had so much loss in my life. So after 2 days of this fear frenzy I actually called the police to go check on her. She was home and called me. Boy did I feel stupid. I think she was just out that weekend having a good time and recovering.

Still I could not get over this fear of losing her until a few years later when I was in my coaches training program. As the classes were taught at that time, a concept was lectured about and then was demonstrated with a few students from class. This particular module was about how certain feelings can run your life and how to meet them head on. Well guess who volunteered (fearless me)? The work the coach did with me was an amazingly painful yet freeing experience and was a turning point in my life. I’ve never looked at fear the same way since.

Here are my 3 tips on dealing with your own fear.face the things you fear

  1. Name the feeling and feel it. So in my case it was the fear that something horrible had or could happen to my only child. And because I’d lost my mother when I was 15 and many other family members throughout the years, this was a reasonable place for my mind to go. However, it also created an “out of control” place to be. When I suggest you feel the feeling I mean confront it. What would happen if…? It takes a lot of the negative energy out of fear when you consciously explore the very thing that has a hold on you.
  2. Let it go. I know this is easier said than done. There’s a popular acronym for fear: it is F.E.A.R. – False Evidence Appearing Real. When you look at your fear, whatever it is, it almost never comes true, at least not in the way you might have imagined it. Think about that. Think about some of your fears and how little they resembled the actual reality. When you can’t seem to let it go, return to Step 1 and breathe through it again and then remember what F.E.A.R. really is.
  3. Trust your higher power. Trust your instincts, intuition, intellect and your faith. Come back to reality and remember, the actual situation is almost never as bad as you imagined it.

This all takes practice. Keep at it and trust.


Set Boundaries with the Boss and Keep Your Job

38592094 - boundaries stencil print on the grunge white brick wall

When I worked as the manager of investor relations at a high tech software company, one day the controller strolled into my office and during our conversation he began to discuss how the CEO and CFO were cooking the books. I stopped him and said I didn’t want to know any more because I wouldn’t lie if I were ever subpoenaed. He left and needless to say that company no longer exists. I knew in that moment I needed to find another job and shortly thereafter my dream job fell into my lap.

I set a clear boundary with the controller. He’d stepped over my ethical line and I knew this was just the beginning of bad things to come unless I took clear and confident action to change it.

A boundary is a line you set that states: “this is my limit. Step on it or over it at your own peril.” That can sound ominous though. Boundaries need to be communicated clearly and without negative emotions such as anger, fear or resentment. They don’t have to be aggressive or confrontational and in fact it’s much easier to set them if you keep that in mind.

A boundary not only keeps you from harm, it helps you to grow and evolve. If, for example, you want to keep your workday to fewer than 14 hours then you may have to set a boundary. But how do you do that with your boss and still feel like your job is safe?

Communicate your needs in a non-emotional and a here-are-the-facts manner. You need to get your emotion out first so it doesn’t come out during the conversation. I suggest practicing what you want to say before you have the conversation with your boss. Then your boundary may sound something like this:

“I know we are still in a personnel crunch so overtime seems like the norm. However, next week I’ll be working my regular hours again. I know this is tough so I’d like to brainstorm with you how we can solve this problem without me working 14 hour days and burning out.”

That statement serves several purposes:

  • It says you understand and acknowledge the current staffing situation.
  • It conveys your clear boundary with professionalism, confidence and no emotion.
  • It declares that you are offering to help solve the bigger problem (and nobody can argue with that).

Both parties come away feeling heard, acknowledged and understanding the clear boundary.

If you have a boss who isn’t a skilled leader, they might balk at this. Keep firm and keep your emotion out of it. A manipulative manager will “smell the fear” and instinctively try to get an emotional rise from you. Keep calm and acknowledge their response then reiterate your boundary (above) again. Use the same language. Most people have to hear your boundary 3 times before they actually hear and acknowledge it.

While a boundary is a limit it can often set you free to grow, be productive and happy.

Effective and non-emotional boundary setting can take a lot of practice. Keep at it!


Julie Hawkins is a women’s empowerment coach, psychic medium and author of the forthcoming book How to Say “No” Without Guilt: 5 Simple Steps to Eliminate Overwhelm, Reclaim Your Life and Have What You Want. For more information find her at

Intuition: 3 Simple Steps to Survival (and) Empowerment

Everyone has intuition; whether you are aware of it and connect with it, may be a different story.

Intuition is defined as follows:

Quick and ready insight.
a) Immediate apprehension or cognition b); knowledge or conviction gained by intuition; c) the power or faculty of attaining to direct knowledge or cognition without evident rational thought and inference.

GPS icon. Internet button on black background.
Intuition: Your own GPS

I think of intuition as your own internal GPS. It locates your feelings and emotions so you can pay attention to them and use them wisely.

Intuition doesn’t have to be profound, yet it certainly can be. It can also be a simple experience with undeniably important results. Paying attention to your intuition can be as easy as “knowing” or trusting that you should have turned left instead of right. Or that you knew you were going to get a job because you just had a feeling. Maybe you knew “this is the person I’m going to marry.” Or you had a little niggling feeling to call someone and it turned out they really needed to talk with you. This is intuition; whether it is mundane or profound.

I remember when I was young just how often I would get ‘those feelings’ and how often I didn’t follow them only to berate myself later for not listening and trusting my original feeling. Intuition is hard wired into us as humans to enable our survival. Our ancestors knew this and used it and so can you. I’ve had several clients ask me “how do I identify my intuition?” so here are my 3 quick steps.

It can take practice to notice the niggling impressions or feelings we come to recognize as intuition.

1. Pay attention and practice listening to the little voice or feeling inside.
2. Notice what your gut “says” and learn to trust it.
3. If doubt creeps in notice if it’s coming from your head; if you are hearing a cynical or critical voice it’s your ego, not your intuition.

Remember, your intuition is a survival skill. You are supposed to have it and use it! It will not lie to you; it’s here to protect you. Once you figure out your own patterns and know when to trust the information that’s truly coming from your intuitive GPS as opposed to your inner critic, the more you will build the confidence to trust your own skills and the happier you will be.

Julie Hawkins is a trainer, author and women’s empowerment coach. She is also known as the Biz Psychic and teaches individuals how to access their own wisdom.

Four Simple Tips to Handle Inner Conflict

Sometimes the holidays feel like good news/bad news. It’s actually fairly common because the expectations during this time of year may stretch common sense and cause you to feel torn in several different directions causing inner conflict. It may feel our sound like this in your head: “Part of my feels ___________ and the other part of me feels the opposite.” Or it may come out as the good news is…and the bad news is language. Sometimes this internal unrest is just a commentary and doesn’t really present a problem. Other times it can be a BIG problem. When this kind of problem creates stagnation, frustration and indecision, it’s unlikely to go away without taking some kind of action.Young troubled businesswoman making choice between good and bad on grey brick background

There’s a wonderful NLP (neuro linguistic programming) technique to resolve this problem called a Parts Integration. A Parts Integration is neither easy nor quick and most often requires an in person visit, however it can yield profound and lasting results because it resolves the inner conflict at a very deep and unconscious level.

If you don’t need or can’t do a Parts Integration, you can still work on this yourself. Here are my tips:

1. Identify the inner conflict by stating the “good news/bad news” or what you feel conflicted about. It can also be expressed as “part of me wants to __________ because…and the other part of my wants to do something else because….”
2. Once you have identified the two conflicting aspects you can begin to weigh them. Write the cons first and then the pros. Don’t get stuck in the story of the pros and cons, simply acknowledge them (this may be a challenge so keep at it).
3. Notice and write down the feelings for the pros and the cons that arise.
4. Notice if there are any similar positive feelings on each side. This is where you’ll want to focus since this is in agreement. Stay with the good feelings because they are your motivation.

I’ll give you my own example as to how it might sound in your head.

Step 1

“Part of me can’t wait to finish my teacher’s certification in Chicago. I’ve been looking forward to completing this work so I can teach it to others because it’s so amazing. The other part of me doesn’t like the thought of traveling to Chicago where it will probably be freezing and I’ll miss my cats and my nice comfortable bed. It’s such a pain to travel.”

Step 2


I hate hotel beds.
I’ll have to eat all my meals out and that’s a challenge.
It’s a long day of traveling.
I’ll miss my home.
I don’t know what to expect.

Feelings (Step 3)

Dread, annoyance, excitement, fear of the unknown


The time will pass quickly.
I’ll be learning amazing new skills and information.
I’ll meet wonderful people.
Traveling is only a short part of the process.
I’ll be home before I know it.
It’s sort of a mini vacation.

Feelings (Step 3)

Excitement, anticipation, relief, joy, satisfaction, confidence

Step 3

Do you notice any similarities between the pros and cons? In this instance, excitement was in both “pros and cons.” When you focus on the commonalities and the positive feelings, it automatically reduces internal conflict.

If you don’t get any similarities initially, keep pondering the situation and repeat the steps. Eventually you will find some common ground. For deeper-rooted issues more advanced work may be necessary.

This is a quick exercise. It may take all of a couple of minutes to do in your head and maybe 5 minutes on paper. Isn’t it worth your time to reduce the inner conflict? The important point to remember is that you end this, or any exercise, on a positive note. The mind remembers the last sentence, thought or action that happened.

What to do when you have trust issues

Asking if you have trust issues is probably a “duh” question, however, that doesn’t make having them easy or acceptable. Mistrust of others breeds anger, resentment, hurt, shame, disapTrustpointment and more. It can also intensify self-esteem problems, self-doubt and indecisiveness. It is hard to live a happy life when you feel this way.

You didn’t start out this way in life. As a baby, you innately possessed trust because your very survival depended on it. As you grew, life experiences taught you that people did not always live by their words. You probably experienced many breaches of trust, some more profoundly impacting than others causing you to feel fear, anxiety, depression, disappointment, resentment and other negative emotions.

Living life this way is neither productive nor satisfying. So what can you do about it? Trust starts with you. When you learn to intuit and understand your own triggers, and emotions then you recognize and understand the signals going off inside. The more you do this the more you trust yourself to make sound judgment calls and good choices.

You are equipped with in internal guidance system and a set of survival instincts that are hard wired into your human system. Fight or flight is your most basic survival instinct. Back in cave dweller days if your source of food, shelter or community was threatened, you often had a split second to determine whether to run for you life or stay and fight. That instinct cannot be easily altered or removed. At your most basic you have the instinct to survive so even if you are not acutely aware of the signals going off I promise you they are still there.

Your internal guidance system commonly communicates with you through emotions and feelings or sensations. Sometimes you may feel a pit or knot in your stomach (when your heightened sense is to flee) and butterflies in your stomach when your heightened sense is for something more positive and exciting. There is also a part of your guidance system that is intuitive. You may call it your sixth sense, goose bumps, hair standing up on the back of your neck or a sense of knowing. Your internal guidance may niggle you to back away from a situation or prompt you to move forward even though you have no logical reason to do so.

When you were a child you were much more in touch with this system and as you matured you began to rely more heavily on your logic and reason. But I’ll tell you this much. Ask most highly successful people what convinced them to do something or avoid it and aside from the obvious logical reasons, they’ll tell you it was their gut feeling because they learned to trust it.

Building trust comes from within. When you remember how to listen to your instincts, eventually you come to trust them more even though logic or reason may sound better initially. Logic is helpful and I usually suggest you consult it and then check in with your gut and/or your heart. What are they telling you? Listen closely. Observe the feelings, emotions and sensations.

Trust is built slowly. When I introduced my new cat Felix to his sisters, I did it slowly. They didn’t much care for him at first and being the kitten, he didn’t care about their feelings. Over several weeks they have slowly and steadily come to know each other and I feel the bond growing. The older girls are more accepting because I’ve gone out of my way to make sure I express to them how much I love them. They trust me and will soon trust and accept Felix.

There will also come a time when you learn or remember how to bring in the wisdom of your higher self as well as the drive and logic of your ego (conscious mind) and blend it with your gut instincts. Then it becomes your own high council of trusted information.

Take it slowly. Remember, not trusting others is often about not trusting yourself so start with you first.

  • Observe yourself (no judgment, simply observe what happens).
  • Notice what situations trigger your negative feelings.
  • Notice how you respond in these situations.
  • When you play it back in your head, slow it down like a movie.
  • Was there a signal that you initially missed? Did your gut tighten or did you feel anxiety? What did you feel?

After you make these observations, then think about how you’d like to respond differently the next time the situation occurs. Listening to and acting upon y

Repeat the steps above as often as possible. The more you do this the more trust you have in your own magnificent abilities.

STOP working so hard! 4 secrets to getting what you want.

I like when themes show up with my clients; it means something similar is happening for a lot of people at this snapshot in time. Recently, every client I worked with had the similar theme of “how hard do I have to work to make IT happen?

That’s such a great question and the simple answer is that it’s NOT about working harder, rather, it’s about slowing down and thinking about the action you keep taking. If the actions you keep taking don’t yield the results you want, why do you keep doing them? Well, you do them because when under stress it is your default or knee-jerk behavior. It’s what you know how to do best. It worked at some point in the past but is no longer effective. Like an outdated software program that is not responding, so are your outdated behaviors and beliefs.

In one of my previous careers I was a corporate paralegal (this is so counter to who I am, but that’s another story). I worked with another legal assistant who worked in the litigation department. Litigation is a whole different kettle of fish because it is often driven by statutory filing deadlines. Talk about hard work and pressure. I’d often watch Sahara (not her real name) run around like the house was on fire. She’d photocopy, fax, sign documents, call the courier service and talk to me all at the same time. It was simultaneously scary and amazing to watch. When the crisis was over I would ask, “how do you do it all”? Her reply was, simple: “the busier I get the slower I go” (I guess that was slow in her world). That was over 20 years ago and It has stuck with me ever since.

Here are 4 of my favorite secrets for making “IT” happen:

103Secret #1: S-L-O-W down and deliberate before taking action! 

Action is only good if it’s the CORRECT action and yields you the results yo u want. If you are not getting the results you want the answer is NOT more action, it is less action and  more introspection. Any time you want to take MORE  action ask yourself the following questions:

  1. What is the purpose of this action?
  2. How does the action impact me (and/or others)?
  3. Am I getting the outcome I want?

Then you can discern if you need to change up your action plan and how.

Secret #2: Be humble and coachable.

Consult a wise and knowledgeable coach, mentor or therapist. You don’t need to do this forever, just long enough to identify the old outdated “software” you are using and replace it with a modernized useful program (new thoughts, beliefs and actions). Brief coaching interludes with my clients helps them to slow down and focus on the correct actions so long term work is not usually necessary. That doesn’t mean ongoing work is not important. It is!

Just remember: If you want a different outcome, you need to do something different to achieve it.

Secret #3: STOP working so hard at what DOES NOT work.

205When someone doesn’t speak the same language as you do communicating is a challenge. Have you ever watched two people who speak a different language try to have a conversation? Sometimes people will speak slower or louder, while saying exactly the same thing, thinking this will get through to the other person. It usually doesn’t work. What would work is to pull out a bi-lingual language dictionary and look up key words and phrases in the other person’s language.

STOP doing the same same. Gain a completely and entirely different approach or perspective (just one of the benefits of coaching). Be flexible like Gumby!

Secret #4: Stay FOCUSED! 

125This can be a challenge, especially when all hell is breaking loose. Contrary to your urge, you do NOT need to do everything at once! Here are some easy reminders to get centered.

  1. Breathe…differently. Paced breathing is centering. Find a type that works for you. I recommend “HA” breathing.
  2. Remember and connect to a really GOOD feeling, one you’ve had in the past of something BIG that you accomplished.
  3. Slow down and prioritize your tasks and actions. Do the first or top priority item on your desk or list – ONLY. Don’t even think about looking at the rest of the list!
  4. Turn off your phone and close your email just for 15 minutes. Before you know it, that illusive project is done.

By the time you’re done with 1-4 above, your fear, panic, overwhelm, frustration or other immobilizing feelings will have passed and you can then move on to the NEXT item on your list.

Take a break between tasks to acknowledge your accomplishment (this also reinforces your new skill).

Implementing these 4 secrets will be sure to start you on the path to getting the outcomes you want.


Love IS the answer – Part 1 of 2

HeartsWhen I was young I used to hear “love is the answer.” I heard this often, but didn’t fully understand how love could be the answer, especially when I didn’t feel so loved. Growing up I felt like I was an afterthought in my family. I have an older sister whom I felt my parents favored. My sister and I have talked about this and from her perspective she felt smothered.

Perception is a powerful shaping force in our lives.

As my life journey evolved and I had a child, I fully embodied that incredibly deep level of love for my child. As my journey continued I found a life partner who brought me a depth of unconditional love I’d never experienced before. I finally got “it”!

Yes, love is the answer. There is no better feeling. No more powerful place to live in and act from. It is the highest vibration in the universe and once you experience giving AND receiving unconditional love, you understand how it is the answer. For me it was a process and a lot of personal work to arrive at this perspective, especially when there have been so many major life challenges on my path.

For many people negative feelings like frustration, depression, anxiety, judgment, pride, stubbornness, self-righteousness, resentment, etc. can fill conscious and unconscious thoughts. They keep you from moving forward and having what you want in your life and can cause any number of ailments, distress, conditions, addictions and problems. You may want to turn away and ignore these feelings, pretend they don’t exist or blame someone else for them.

These negative feelings are coping mechanisms. They had a purpose in the past, which is likely not appropriate any longer, however, over time you’ve been conditioned to think them and you may even get unconsciously attached to them. They have now become blocks to success, acceptance, love and joy.

Regardless of how you spin it, the feelings are yours. Even if someone “triggers” you, the response is yours, and yours alone. Your responses (how you feel and act) are a product of your past experiences, emotions, behaviors, perceptions, physicality, memories, beliefs, values, judgments and attitudes (yes, you are complex!).

The good news is since the feelings are yours, what you do with them is yours as well. It’s ALL about you!

To manage and ultimately eliminate the negative feelings and experience the love, acceptance, joy, hope and the other powerful and positive feelings we were born to experience, takes some work. There is no getting around it. I’m a big supporter of energy work and clearing. I’ve practiced several different techniques myself, and what I’ve found is that no matter how much energy work you have done, you are a human and need to also do the conscious human work.

I’m a BIG believer in small, doable, “feel-the-accomplishment” steps. I know with certainty that if the step is too big or overwhelming, you won’t take it.

This first step then is about observation, awareness and noticing.

LEARN to observe, identify and acknowledge your feelings.

If you think you don’t need to do this step or if you are already doing it, then ask yourself this question: Am I getting the results I want in all the areas of my life? If you are, then keep doing what you are doing and congratulate yourself! IF NOT, THEN GET REAL WITH YOURSELF AND DO THE WORK! Work is action, that’s why it’s called work.

Start by noticing and identifying WHAT feelings are being triggered. Often identifying them is the hardest part. They are usually layered and often buried, so sometimes you have to peel back the layers to get to the heart (think of an artichoke) and if you are willing to dig in and do the work, then go deeper and you’ll get to the heart! If you are angry, ask yourself what’s underneath the anger? Here is where you must be vulnerable and willing to look at it.

This first step is for you and you alone to ponder. You don’t have to do anything else just yet. Practice observing, noticing and being aware of your feelings. Stretch yourself and go into the uncomfortable feelings. It’s only scary the first time.

Also, remember to acknowledge your successes, no matter how small they may seem!

If you are ready for the next step, then write down what you are noticing, observing and feeling. Just make it simple. It can be one sentence or even a few words. Remember, you must take action.

JUST DO IT! If you get stuck, go back and reread this piece from the beginning.

In part 2, I’ll introduce a few additional simple steps to help you keep moving toward what you’d always intended for yourself.

Out of alignment?

car-alignmentDo you know when your car is out of alignment? I’m not sure I do. If you are out of alignment with something and don’t know exactly what it is (and we often don’t), how will you know what to do to correct it?

I think as human beings we go through life intuitively seeking meaning, purpose and alignment. We find it in different things: children, spouses or S/O, work, music, art, etc. These are most often pursuits happening outside of us. In the long run though we always come back to having to find it within because all those other things change and come and go.

This time of year often has us reflecting just a bit more about what is right or wrong in our lives, the goals we’ve achieved and the ones we haven’t and where we might go from here. We don’t always know which way is best. Such was the case for a reading I did on Sunday.

As you know my business centers on women entrepreneurs and business professionals. As I was sitting in my reading room at East West Books, a man approached me whom I’ll call Sam, and asked if I was available. Yes, I said and he came in and sat down.

Continue reading

Do you ever feel like running away?

Do you ever feel like running away? I do. It’s the beginning of another year and I’m soooo glad! Right at the beginning of December I fell into the pit of depression. I was approaching the two-year anniversary of Chris’s death (I still find that hard to say), it was the beginning of holiday season and I was moving my office from outside to my home; a triple whammy. It hit me and it hit hard. I retreated and spent a lot of days on the couch in between clients. There were a couple of weekends I never made it out of the house and it was OK. I sat literally waiting for the days to pass. And pass they did.

After 5 weeks of building my protective internal sanctuary of survival, I finally emerged. Just a little at first and now I’m almost fully reintegrated back into the community after this last grieving cycle. I even went to a networking meeting recently, a big leap forward for me and sign of my rebirth. It is almost Spring!

We are cyclical by nature and it is most important to honor our cycles rather than circumvent or even attempt to eliminate them. I honor my cycles of self-healing I because I love myself. That wasn’t always true.

Why did I start off my blog with a kind of “downer” story rather than a “how wonderful life is” story? First, because it’s genuine: I rediscover a new part of “me” and where it fits into my new life every time I go into the cave and then re-emerge. It’s really quite a wonder for me. I never know who is going to emerge and how I will feel. No I don’t have multiple personality disorder just recovering and reconciling through the grieving process. I bet you can relate on some level.

The second reason I told this story is to illustrate what it may mean to Take Charge of one’s life and since this is what I teach I certainly want to be a role model for others. Taking charge of your life may mean many things or just one thing at time and of course it may evolve over time. Here is what I teach as a foundation to learning how to Take Charge of your life.

Taking charge means:

  • Noticing and identifying the symptoms that are causing problems, unresourceful or even bad behavior.
  • Setting healthy and loving personal boundaries to enforce emotional, mental, physical and spiritual safety.
  • Knowing and believing that self-care and self-healing are healthy as long as they don’t hurt anyone else in the process.
  • Honoring intuition.
  • Being with the process (or riding the waves of the storm) instead of working so hard to go around it or deny it even exists.
  • Emerging stronger on the other side.
  • Feeling ready to forge ahead.

When I do all the above work the results are loving, encouraging, empowering, engaging, hopeful, spiritual, and supportive among other positive outcomes.

When you go through tough times in your life and you feel like running away, I hope you’ll remember these thoughts and actions and that they might even sustain you as you ride out the storm.

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